Citizen of the country of California

Well, it's over. Years of good political superstitions down the tubes. (What are they going to do the next time the Redskins win or lose before an incumbent election? That one is dead. So sad...) Months (okay, years) of anxiety for not, with more years of same on the way. I don't like those Florida numbers, meaning I don't believe those Florida numbers, but however they were achieved (and we'll never know as a good many of the votes that comprised them are no longer going to exist soon enough thanks to the glory of the touchscreen voting machine) there they are. There's no getting around them, as there is apparently no getting around the immovable rock which is reactionary social politics in this country. I'm almost more depressed about the eleven state constiutional amendments that passed banning gay marriage.

So for my sanity, I'm officially declaring myself a citizen of the country of California, soon to be once again a member of the country of New York, with occasional stop-offs in my native country of Minnesota. All smart, safe, blue countries. I have to realize, though it is hard, this is still America, I'm still free to pretty much be however I want to be, I mean things are just not that oppressive here in the country of California. I have to remember that. Sensitive artists have lived in countries with oppressive, corrupt governments from the beginning of time and did they sit around fucking moaning about what an asshole the king was, how he was always lying out his ass and the peasants were never calling him on it? Yes, they probably did, but they probably had far more cause to do so because the living conditions were probably a thousand times worse, and they probably had about forty years in which to dot their political bitching. I have to remind myself on occasion that I lived in Prague and I know firsthand how the other half lives, and especially past tense lived. And yet my old friends from Prague - who have lived through Communism and Communist repression - can stand our President even less than I can. So what does that say? Tonight I'm not going to there...

One thing surprised me - I was a little amazed to find out that Kelley was actually more depressed than I was. I was bucking HER up. I guess I've just had longer to be resigned. A week ago this is exactly where I imagined I would be so the only real disappointment is that it was looking so damn good the last few days. The other thing - and I just read this on Daily Kos - is exactly this: whatever happened in this election, there is nonetheless a much stronger, much more energized progressive community happening. And there is now a President who is going to have no choice but to deal with the messes he's made over the past four years. Hopefully (and I mean this, I know you don't believe me but I do) the economy will suddenly go full-blown, maybe Iraq will turn around magically and become a solid democratic Mideastern state, maybe the budget will balance, maybe people will stop dropping into poverty and homelessness, maybe new jobs that pay decent wages will actually start appearing in this country. The campaign is over, it's out of our hands now. I have to start meditating again (no this is not a non sequitir). While I don't meditate with namh yoho renghe kyo - "I believe in the law of cause and effect" - it is something I need to start concentrating on again. The Christian version is, "It's in God's hands." And there are times when it's good to remember that ultimately it's true. I'd love to forcibly change a hundred million minds in this country, two hundred million - not just to vote for a different president, but to live differently, to think differently, to be genuinely more open-minded and kinder and less victims of stupid fears and prejudices. But it's not going to happen and I would just end up making myself insane in the membrane or at the very least unbearably smug and self-righteous if I tried.

I actually feel okay right now. And I live in the beautiful, peaceful, kind, forgiving country of California. Where unlike in the equally wonderful but for different reasons country of New York I can resign myself to four more years of a Bush presidency, have time to write about it post-mortem, and still be able to go to bed at a decent hour.